Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Inspired to write

Being inspired to write comes in waves for me. I mean, I am truly inspired everyday by the world around me. In my head I write masterpieces about it. To actually formulate them into something readable, that’s another thing. My web technician mentioned to me yesterday, “How’s your blog coming”? I said, “Good”. He looked at me sideways. I said, “I have blogged three times already”! His look was enough. Apparently I am supposed to write more than that. I told him how I have to be inspired since what I write about is the stuff you cannot see at the FPR…but rather the grace that comes to the ranch thorough human contact. I don’t think he bought it. I suddenly felt this urgency to be inspired by….anything….and write about it. Well, it did not happen so I was feeling sloth like. I had nothing to say, nothing to share. Sigh……………..

Well it hit me this morning as I was feeling full of gratitude for, well, everything. We just had this incredible weekend at the ranch. The students were amazing. Lots of new folks that brought with them, these great songs and great stories about their life and their families. As I sat in the Fur Peace Station on Sunday watching their student performance workshop I was overcome with just how good they were….and how lucky I was to be able to witness it. I never tire of the gratitude they express before they sit down to sing. The joy and laughter that comes out of me is sometimes embarrassing. I have a big laugh. I always have. And I am not afraid to express it. Well…it was just so plain how big my world has become because of them and because of the ranch. I have actually never been busier in my life. It takes so much to prepare for one camp. But when I sit there and take in their moment on stage….it is huge! I hope they all know that. I am not the only one moved by them…John and Jorma are as well. It is what we talk about for days after they leave.

I guess this “being inspired” thing is really working me overtime. As my world has become so much brighter because of my students….our daughter Izze had me feeling the same sensations this morning. You know, when I brought her home from China…I was feeling very lonely. That my world had become so small. I wanted her so badly yet I was concerned that maybe I was not qualified for this…maybe I was too old. I had so much freedom in my life before she what? Well, three years have passed and my world is so much bigger because of her. It’s not the play dates, the endless running around, the new, politically correct way to explain myself…..the lack of colorful language…..Oh fiddlesticks! It is her. It’s the way she is able to bring what she sees into my view. The way she learns things and the way she explains them. Today I watched her sing the Ting Tings, Happy Birthday song. She sang every verse and danced. She was so proud of herself and I was crying watching my sweet pea turn into me at that age. How did this all happen. How did all of this hard work make me feel so grateful, so inspired. Thank you Fur Peace Ranch students…..all of you and Izze… all fill my heart so much that it hurts. It makes me weep tears of……inspiration. Remember the Grinch on top of the mountain looking down at Hooville after he had just robbed them all of their holiday joy? His heart gets so big that it busts through it’s gate……that’s me! Well not the Grinch…his heart.