Happy New Year Everyone….

From backstage at the Beacon Theatre celebrating Jorma’s 70th birthday, to the hills of Jerusalem…it was an amazing year. We started our year in the shadows of an unstable economy and though everyone including us, continue to weather this unpredictable storm…for me… this year… I felt more blessed than ever. Time seemed to slow down for me when classes were in session and I was able to enjoy the company of our students around some great meals and great music. Couple’s weekend was the most emotional though. My staff and me made a huge decision to change the way the Couples weekends will be hosted. What we hoped would be an exciting look into what could be….it was sad for many of the woman who attend that weekend who are so dear to me. I can only say I wanted them to embrace this journey with every cell of their body. Though change gets such a bad wrap…It is the bumpiness of change that I am appreciating. Those bumps are absolutely all about the love and compassion for the woman of Fur Peace. Before we made the choice to change the face of Couple’s weekend, I saw a glimpse of what was coming if I didn’t take a leap of faith. Like many times in my life, the universe whispered to me and I can't describe that experience with words, but I know I am not the only one that this happens to. This year has been about liberating myself from something. A few times the answer to that “something” happened in my dreams but mostly the universe spoke to me thru others. It has been intense yet subtle but most definitely an undeniable message. Even though I know the changes are probably permanent they are profound and the movement is as the music is…gentle and beautiful!!! The woman of Fur Peace do not know this...but they brought me here without consciously knowing it!

I feel like 2010 was such a success for so many despite what CNN tells us. I believe that our success is about who we are. To obtain success, whether professional or personally, one does it with hard work and conscious thought. The "what ifs " are what keeps us going anyway. Success is not difficult to accomplish nor to understand because we are the only one that knows what it means for us. No one can tell us actually what success is...we have to feel it to know it...and I know that
I accomplished a lot because of the Ranch and the students and staff that make it Fur Peace.

We…meaning people in general… are stronger, the Ranch in stronger, the love is more powerful and the music continues to move us and inspire us to be better.

Seventeen years ago today….I was not the woman who I had envisioned becoming. At the age of 16 for whatever reason and who knows what the motivation was….I started the long, painful task of dismantling my life. So from 16 to the age of 33 I was a runaway train. I know today that I have a penchant for anything I can obsess over….they call it addiction. Anyhow, what the last seventeen years of soul searching have taught me is not to judge or suppose, someone else by their looks or their clothes or even their addiction. I have no idea of knowing what their lifestyle is or how they got there or what their pains are. They way they maneuver through their life is their business as was mine albeit mine was destructive. It is not easy to arrest my display of judgment of others, but I make it a conscious effort daily to keep my own side of the street clean. There is no magic in how my mind works...in fact I am fond of saying, “My head is like a bad neighborhood, I try not to go in there alone.” I am human so I am flawed. But where I am is mandatory if I am to walk in the light. It’s all about self-respect and honor. I respect and honor the life I was given and the work I do.

The Ranch is the big gift I think, for the light that I have allowed to come into my life. The students are all extensions of that light and a power greater than me, speaks through them. That light shines through Jorma too and always has, even through his darkest days. When I met Jorma, he told me that we were part of a bigger picture and to trust that more would be revealed. I thought I knew what he was talking about...but then my life took an ugly path. I moved to Ohio and I thought, “Oh, this is what he meant.”. But it wasn’t. Then I chose a sober life and I thought, “Oh, this is what he meant.” But it wasn’t. Then the Ranch presented itself to us and I thought, “Oh, this is what he meant.” But it wasn’t. Then Jorma gave me a son (long story...too long to tell here), and I thought, “Oh, this is what he meant.” But it wasn’t. Then I went to China to find my daughter and I thought, “Oh, this is what he meant.” But it wasn’t. Now, even though I think it is a clearer message it probably isn’t. To simplify all of this...I can say that I find comfort in knowing that I have always been watched over and that the path behind me and the one ahead is all about doing good work , being kind, honoring my life and the lives of those around me.

I would be denying my own truth if I did not say that I think Jorma is one of G-d’s greatest gift to me and to those who he inspires. He is a force...and those that know him, know what I am saying here. Today we celebrated our 22nd wedding anniversary. I know...so much to celebrate and to be grateful for. Every year he writes me a beautiful letter on this day and our growth is evident is his words. I’d love to post his entire letter...especially the part where he says...How I am without a doubt one of the most singular, amazing, purposeful and loving people that I have ever met and how I am more beautiful today than I ever was and Oh I’m hot too...but I won’t. (oops). I’ll just post the beginning because it is what I am speaking of...it is the healing that fills us, what motivates us and what keeps me sober.

From Jorma...On This Day……

Twenty Two years and some five months ago, you and I met under the strangest and most fortuitous circumstances. Strange because given our paths at the time our journeys would not seemed to have decreed such a meeting, but meet we did. One wonders after all is said and done what fate the Hand Of G_d had in store for any of us, but indeed I believe that there are no coincidences. There was a purpose in our meeting and though I’m sure more is yet to be revealed, in the journey there have been uncounted gifts.

Beyond sweet...right? I am living a full life today because of true acceptance for all things and a singular inner command that permeates my true path.......

Vanessa

Feeling young again.......

Where did the time go? I think it went with my memory. Time and memory are a strange pair. They travel together like lovers throughout ones life. Then like most couples who've been together for a while, they start to look at things differently. The time says, "It was only yesterday." while the memory says, "That was ages ago and honey, it didn't happen exactly that way." Memory inadvertently rewrites history while time shows us no mercy. Or vice versa. What's a girl to do?

Then just when I think I can handle the fact that 50 is around the corner, age begins to gnaw at my beautiful life. Without missing a beat - unwavering and with a steady rhythm I see one more wrinkle...no two and more silver threads among the black, gold and brown hair; leftovers from 4 colors ago. Sigh........

It really feels like it was yesterday that we opened the Ranch and now, in less than a month we are about to close out our 13th season. Where did the time go? A student was just telling me this past weekend that when we opened our doors he remembers how emotional it was for me when I told the story of how the Ranch came to be. Well.... he noted nothing had changed and that my tears of gratitude were as heartfelt for him and the other students now as they were in 1998. It felt good to hear that my gratitude was still in tact.

So what's a few gray hairs? Wrinkles....I've earned those. Where I am today both personally and professionally is honestly the best place I've ever been. The first half of my life was spent being ridiculously opinionated without much to back it up. Though still embracing my right to speak freely, I am less concerned with being right and more willing to say when I am wrong. My best days are when I open myself up to learning a better way to look at things. I have a great staff that work side by side with me at the Ranch. I learn more from them about efficiency and professionalism than I have ever learned at any other job. Years ago I ran the ranch with 17 staff members, today we do a better job with a fraction of that. We are a community working in sync. They are great and they make me feel great about what I do regardless of the fact that my body doesn't feel as young as it used to.

I saw my Dr today. After months of physical therapy for a disc issue he said, "Your neck moves like a 20 year old". I felt young again................

For Lucy Marie with honor and love

And through these gates you shall pass........

Already, three of us at the Ranch have used the new gate entrance picture. This gate was a long time coming and it is just so much more beautiful then what I originally envisioned. Despite the fact that the gate takes a nice picture, it holds such a special meaning for us ....... for me. In the last 17 years I have been in a state of transition. This transition is all good. I actually prefer to say that I am on a path of enlightenment. Every day I am blessed with new experiences, new ways to look at the world and such blessings that it is almost embarrassing to talk about. This gate is a metaphor for what was on this side of where I was so many years ago. The other side has been nothing short of glorious.

The gates went up during a very emotional few weeks. My dear friend John was experiencing the declining health of his Mom and my dear friend, Lucy. I also am the Vice Chair on the Board of an organization called The Cause. The Cause and the people involved, help people in Appalachia who need food, clothing, medical care, water and simple things to live that most of us take for granted. I have learned so much about need in this area that my own existence has experienced a rebirth of sorts. It has affected my family in a profound way. In fact during these past few weeks, our daughter had a great birthday party with all her friends who brought her a lot of gifts. Our daughter told us that she wanted to give 1/2 of her presents to the children who are sick in the hospital. She is 4. Her and I made the trek to Nationwide Children's Hospital in Columbus and she handed off her presents like it was her duty. To say that I was moved by this event.....does not give her selfless act justice. Now I can tell you, that at the end of this ten day period that all of this took place, I am feelin' the love. I had so much to reflect upon during Rosh Hoshanah this past week as a result.

Now comes last night and this morning........

We had the honor of hosting the Infamous Stringdusters at the Ranch for a Benefit Concert for The American Red Cross on the 9/11 anniversary. It doesn't get more soul moving than that. The Benefit was not sold out, though the community that came dug deep and helped to fulfill our mission for that night. The Stringdusters were nonpareil. There music reaffirmed celestial determination. We headed back to the Ranch early this morning to have breakfast with the band and then up north to see Lucy. Lucy Marie DeFebio Hurlbut...she was still with us but her life was faint. Life is just so honest..... It takes all you have to face it's truth. I am a huge fan of Elizabeth Kubler Ross. She was the pioneer of Hospice Care. While reading one of her many articles on dying I was directed to some comforting verse. I quote Henry Van Dyke:


I am standing upon the seashore. A ship at my side spreads her white sails to the morning breeze and starts for the blue ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength. I stand and watch her until at length she hangs like a speck of white cloud just where the sea and sky come to mingle with each other.Then someone at my side says: "There, she is gone!" "Gone where?"

Gone from my sight. That is all. She is just as large in mast and hull and spar as she was when she left my side and she is just as able to bear her load of living freight to her destined port.

Her diminished size is in me, not in her. And just at the moment when someone at my side says: "There, she is gone!" there are other eyes watching her coming, and other voices ready to take up the glad shout: 'Here she comes!"

And through these gates you shall cross..........

Vanessa

After a short but productive summer break, we are getting ready to open back up for our annual couples weekend at the Ranch. This summer was hotter than most but still the Ranch and our lush gardens seem to thrive in the heat. Our new flower garden is just beautiful. Our friend and neighbor Gordon Gilmore and his wife Wanda are responsible for the beauty there. Zinnia's, sun flowers, four o'clocks , holly hocks and more just exploding with color. Jeroch, our staff landscaper and soul flower has been maintaining everything else. He too has a way with the rooted beings. I have seen him from time to time whispering poetry to them. Jeroch is responsible for the amazing flower arrangements and I do believe that his soul and the flowers souls are related in some way.

This is our big Couple's Weekend at FPR. The week before we open for couples weekend is always very busy. It's not like we save it all to the last minute.... some things just have to be done a few days before like the flowers, the picking up of the fresh Blocks Bagels, the rearranging of classrooms, landscaping, food prep, travel arrangements for musicians and more. I'm not sure why, but this year there is less stress associated with the last minute details.

On Wednesday John showed up with our new replacement flags for the flag pole that Jorma's Mom bought for the Ranch when we first we opened. These weren't ordinary run of the mill flags, they're embroidered and made of a thick wind resistant fabric. One POW flag and one American flag. And what's more they were hand picked by John's father, Ray Hurlbut who served in the Navy in World War II. Ray is like my father. He is a member of that ever diminishing Greatest Generation. Jorma's father and his 2 uncle's were in that great company. They are gone now but Ray is still here keeping the faith on a daily basis. I feel compelled to mention that one of our daughters names is Lucy after John's Mom. They are just as much a part of the Ranch as the staff that works for us today. I fly our new flags for them this weekend. Long may they wave.

I'll close this very brief blog this morning (students are arriving) to just say that is the great people in my life like Ray and Lucy, their son John, my amazing staff, Jorma and I could go on, that have carried me when I could not carry myself. I am forever grateful for their love and guidance. They all Rock The House!!!!!!

I write about doing service work from time to time. I actually don’t write about it as often as I should. It is a life choice that Jorma and I feel strongly about though. Were it not for the service work that directly affected the two of us, we might not have the Ranch today.

The world is filled with humanitarians and people who really walk the walk. Jorma and I have had the esteem pleasure of seeing service work in action with our friend Art Gish. Art Gish has been active in peace and social justice work for some fifty years, beginning with work as a conscientious objector in Europe in the late 50’s . He also worked in the Civil Rights Movement in the 60s, and has actively opposed U. S. involvement in wars since his youth. Art and his wife have been actively working with Peacemaker Teams in the Middle East since 1995. He has authored several books but one in particular that I am more familiar with is Stories of Nonviolent Peacemaking . I may not have agreed with some of the things that he stands for but I have the utmost respect for his work. He was a world renowned peacemaker and my heart is heavy today for the world’s loss. He died in a tractor accident on his farm not far from here.

I have to admit that some of my fondest memories of Art are not conversations about peace but rather the celebration of life and the opportunity to rest on Friday’s nights when we sat side by side at Shabbat services. I don’t even know if he was Jewish and it really does not matter. He honored everyone. He actually stood down an Israeli tank in the West Bank city of Hebron as Israeli bulldozers leveled a market. Like I said, I may not have agreed with everything he stood for but I think he was a modern day prophet and he never waivered from his non-violent values. He put himself on the front lines (literally). Thank you Art for your support of peace....as Jorma would say, Long May You Run My Brother...Fair Winds and Following Seas.

Bearing fruits of juicy grace

You cannot walk down any street or drive down any road without seeing passersby scrolling through their smart phones to check emails or texting instead of talking. It never fails when Jorma and I go out to eat...as I glance around the restaurant at the other tables there’s always a table where one of the two at the table is sitting in silence while their dinner mate is emailing. For everything that technology has given us, we have lost something so personal in the trade. I’m not advocating throwing out our computers...I love my Mac and my IPhone. I just bought Jorma an IPad for Fathers Dad...secretly hoping that he would want me to have one to. It worked. I am anxiously awaiting mine, which should be here according to Apple in
7 – 10 days. As much as I love these tools, I miss the simple ways of communicating.

As most of you know, we live and run the Ranch in one of the most stunning places in this country...the foothills of Appalachia. I write a lot about the land because it really brought me back to a simple and realistic place that I had long left behind. The things that really please me today are wrap around front porches on an old farm house or hillsides dotted with a variety of cows. A traffic jam on my country road is when my neighbors kids are walking the cows across the road to give them a new day in a neon green pasture. You cannot help but live in that moment.

This past spring I decided to grow a garden and not just a few tomatoes. In a 30 x 40 fenced in area in our back yard (or lower 40 as Jorma calls our yard) I constructed 7 5x5 raised beds, filled them with organic dirt and the best local manure around. I looked at other gardens in magazines and books and finally decided to made a home for the next 6 months to a few varieties of tomatoes, red and green peppers, silver queen corn, radishes, beets, cucumbers. eggplant, green leaf lettuce, dill, coriander, basil, parsley and oregano, a few garden angels and old stained glass windows hanging from the fence. My garden brought me to a place where there were no phones, no one Facebooking me and no one texting me. A garden is such a meditative place and I cherish mine and the undemanding relationship with it.

Last night I went out to see how the tomatoes were doing and it was like Hanukkah. Every bed was filled with almost ripe or ripe vegetables that Izze and I grew. My peppers were the size of a 4 years old forearm. My tomatoes were red an plump. My cucumbers fat and falling off the vine. My corn sadly stopped developing after the 10th row of kernels but my two new eggplants made it all better. I have a new crop of lettuce and more herbs than I will use. Anything I cannot eat or family won’t take I will bring to the shelter before it goes bad. My whole garden experience this year was so fulfilling. Early on I took pictures of Izze helping me with the seedlings and it gave me such joy. I planted seeds for food and I ended up with baskets of peace, thyme away from my computer and a recipe for real communication with the universe. Now let me grab my IPhone and take a great picture to send to everyone.